It'll Be Fine . . . . . I Hope

It's okay if you're a failure . . . . it's okay if few to none support your craft . . . . it's okay if you feel like you'll never belong anywhere . . . .

It's okay if you cry day after day . . . . feeling all alone.

I will never give up.  I may be a bump on the log . . . . and the few friends I have are far away.    I just wish . . . I knew how to help myself.  I just wish I had a family here on this plane, in the flesh.  I wish this world would change back to how I remembered it: balanced and free.

I have another headache because I can't stop crying.  I collapsed today for the first time in years.  Why must words physically hurt me?  I feel like . . . I don't know my path.  At this point I am just existing.  I have no life.  I have no one here to support me in the flesh.  I won't end my life, I know I deserve to live, but at this point . . . I am just waiting for death because I don't know how to live in this current life.

Daddy . . . please help me help myself.  I am so scared . . . . so scared.  I want things to be okay.  Dammit, I wish I was stronger.